Sunday, May 10, 2009

Healing Grace

Big doings in the old town tonight. The author of my biography has completed the last edit and sent in the corrections. The book now goes to print. Since she wrote the book ten years have passed. What was she waiting for? Who knows? Definitely not her.

The book is called Healing Grace written by Jill Luigs. Jill wanted to write the book because my story's similar to hers. There's a big difference in our stories though. She got divorced. The biggest similarity is that we both gave our lives over to men. We both sacrificed ourselves for men. We both blamed them for years until after leaving them, we both discovered that our propensities for martyrdom was still prolific. We still found our beliefs holding us back -- we were undeserving of anything more. We had to sacrifice to make up for the oxygen we used. That's how little we felt about ourselves, and because of that we kept sacrificing. It was easier than going deep within and discovering who we really are. It was easier because it was familiar, and then it just got hard to see what we were missing out on.

We were missing out on feeling good about ourselves. We were missing out on enjoying our lives and experiencing our new-found freedom. We were missing out on being a great friend to ourselves. Most importantly we were depriving the world of our own greatness. What a waste that was.

That's when the magic began. The magic of self-discovery. The magic of self-awareness. The magic of inner guidance rather than seeking wisdom from others. It also took many days of barely getting out of bed and endless nights of tears. You have no idea what wailing and gnashing of teeth was really like until you saw the two of us go through our own metamorphoses. The term "dark night of the soul" had been coined because of our own experiences. As Jill put it, it was digging out of her own grave after years of shoveling shit into it. She told her husband back then that the death us do part had happened and leaving him brought her back to life. Can I hear a thank you, Jesus???

So, the book will be published before the year is over. Jill has gone on to other endeavors and you'll be able to read about my life in Healing Grace. Ten years have passed since the ending of the book, so just know that a lot's happened since. Maybe I can talk Jill into a sequel so she can tell the other part of my story. The part where I took the level of freedom to new heights. It would be well worth the read.