Friday, December 11, 2009

my best night ever

I have been blessed with an amazing friend that travels extensively. He happened to be in town last night, and my daughter, another friend, and I met him at one of our favorite restaurants, Cafe Malaga.

Cafe Malaga serves tapas that are out of this world. Eating their delicacies transports me to lands I've never been before, and to top it all off, my dear, wonderful traveling friend told us of some of his many adventures. Since my daughter has lived in Italy, the two of them took off to foreign land packing us with them. It was so much fun reliving their experiences of coffee and gelato near a piazza. My daughter's tale of how she spent the last of her lire on gelato before heading back to the states was enamoring. Our traveling friend leaned forward, plastered a broad smile on his face, and nodded before jumping in with his adventures in Rome.

The night, the music, the wine, the conversation, and especially the people, especially my traveling friend, made me want more. I wanted to travel more, read more, write more, just be more than I've been before. I just want more, more exciting moments with laughter and crazy-ass dancing. I want to hear foreign languages in an Italian villa. I want to feel textures of Parisian couture. I want to meander through the Louvre. I want to take a boat down the Amazon. I want to fly a single engine aircraft over a volcano.

There's so much to experience. Where to start? Well, I started with the trips I took last night with some of the most enjoyable people in the world sitting together at Cafe Malaga sipping Spanish wine and learning about the Brazilian airport named after the first aviator. (And we thought it was the Wright brothers...)

And I continue my travels today walking from RejuveNation LifeSpa to my studio above Spoons. Who knows where that trip will really take me. Yesterday in Rick's Chophouse bathroom a whole new world opened up for me. While in the center stall, I overheard a conversation that crystallized the first scene of my next novel. Last night we called it Lightning Bolt in the Bathroom. We'll see what it turns out to be when it grows up, but in the meantime, I'm getting off the computer and beginning my next journey across the square.

To my wonderful, beautiful friends and daughter who created my best night ever with me, thank you from the bottom of my heart. My greatest wish is that we take this conversation over to the best coffee shop in Italy sometime soon.

Thursday, December 3, 2009

final submission

Finally, after receiving a birthday card from my best friend from high school more than 13 years ago, daring me to write a book, I finally, yes, I repeat that, I finally approved the last detail about it so that it can now go into production.

Thirteen years, two months, and six days later, it is done. Dear God, what was the frickin' hold up? Life? Moving several times? Going for my pilot's license? Getting a divorce? Raising a teenager? Working waaaay too much? I don't know. Maybe it's always about everything being in perfect timing.

In the meantime, between the date when I first wrote the first sentence to this morning when I approved the last correction on the book jacket, I raised my daughter from teenage hood to adulthood. I designed and had built a new home. I took flying lessons. I traveled to foreign countries. I got a divorce. I moved to the mountains in Colorado. I fell in love. I moved to Texas and finally finished the book.

I did not sit on my hands while working and not working on this book. I discovered myself and rediscovered myself. I entered relationships that pulled me in directions I didn't know existed before. And I fell in love. Again and again and again. I fell in love with the mountains, and then I fell in love with McKinney, Texas and the people here. I also fell in love with my daughter all over again. And with all these experiences I fell in love with the best parts of me.

I love me. I truly, truly love me. I am capable of the grandest of lives, the utmost bliss, and the most amazing experiences. I walk through this life knowing that all is well at all times. I open my eyes to the joy, my heart to the love, and my arms to the ability to give. I am. I am. I am.

And nothing more needs to be written.

Wednesday, December 2, 2009


December 2, 2009, my last change made to the book jacket. Manuscript already in print. One more look over on the jacket and off it goes. Healing Grace becomes reality. How 'bout that?

Since I was a little kid I wanted to be a writer. I was a writer. In fourth grade I wrote my first novel. The main character had all of her parts replaced with bionic ones. Interesting that it turned into a show years later, and it had nothing to do with me. Or, did it? The more I know, the more I don't know. I sit and ponder the workings of the universe, and I know for a fact that I know nothing. It's all a complete mystery to me. As a matter of fact, this morning on the way into the square, I wondered what would happen if we all collectively decided to disavow the belief in time and space. Since we were taught from the beginning that there are such things, what would happen now if we all simultaneously chose to disbelieve in them? If thought is matter, then what would happen?

I digress. I can, you know. It's my blog. It's my portion of cyberspace and I can do anything I want in here. I imagine myself, a particle of myself floating around in what could possibly look like cyberspace. The particle that is me, whatever that is. I know that me is not my body, so therefore, there is a me that is not limited by time or space. There is a me, the real me, in a formless energy that defies all laws concerning time and space. And if that's the real me, then what's the fake me doing pretending to be smaller? I sit here silently, and now not so silently, concerned about book tours, marketing strategies, talking in front of people, self-promoting, etc. Will I be able to do it? Will I go crazy from it? Will I...? What the fuck difference does it make? I am this formless, timeless, spaceless being capable of all and nothing at the same time. I can let this book go, let it out into the universe without doing a thing about it, without thinking twice about it, and it will still land perfectly where it needs to. What do I care? Hm, programming. I see how the programming catches me up every now and then, so much more than I care to admit really.

The programming, the beliefs, the societal rules, the guidelines...just trappings to keep us small. If we really knew who we are. I mean if we really knew, we wouldn't care about any of those things. We wouldn't hide ourselves behind masks or phoniness. We would display ourselves in full glory, ride that train, leap off that cliff, and savor the moments of ecstasy because it would all be ecstasy, even the sorrow, even the depths of despair. If we really knew who we are, we would be scared of nothing, judge nothing, and relish in it all.

So, with that, I release my second novel out to the universe, knowing full well that it is right where it needs to be. It's released, and so am I.