my best night ever

I have been blessed with an amazing friend that travels extensively. He happened to be in town last night, and my daughter, another friend, and I met him at one of our favorite restaurants, Cafe Malaga.

Cafe Malaga serves tapas that are out of this world. Eating their delicacies transports me to lands I've never been before, and to top it all off, my dear, wonderful traveling friend told us of some of his many adventures. Since my daughter has lived in Italy, the two of them took off to foreign land packing us with them. It was so much fun reliving their experiences of coffee and gelato near a piazza. My daughter's tale of how she spent the last of her lire on gelato before heading back to the states was enamoring. Our traveling friend leaned forward, plastered a broad smile on his face, and nodded before jumping in with his adventures in Rome.

The night, the music, the wine, the conversation, and especially the people, especially my traveling friend, made me want more. I wanted to travel more, read more, write more, just be more than I've been before. I just want more, more exciting moments with laughter and crazy-ass dancing. I want to hear foreign languages in an Italian villa. I want to feel textures of Parisian couture. I want to meander through the Louvre. I want to take a boat down the Amazon. I want to fly a single engine aircraft over a volcano.

There's so much to experience. Where to start? Well, I started with the trips I took last night with some of the most enjoyable people in the world sitting together at Cafe Malaga sipping Spanish wine and learning about the Brazilian airport named after the first aviator. (And we thought it was the Wright brothers...)

And I continue my travels today walking from RejuveNation LifeSpa to my studio above Spoons. Who knows where that trip will really take me. Yesterday in Rick's Chophouse bathroom a whole new world opened up for me. While in the center stall, I overheard a conversation that crystallized the first scene of my next novel. Last night we called it Lightning Bolt in the Bathroom. We'll see what it turns out to be when it grows up, but in the meantime, I'm getting off the computer and beginning my next journey across the square.

To my wonderful, beautiful friends and daughter who created my best night ever with me, thank you from the bottom of my heart. My greatest wish is that we take this conversation over to the best coffee shop in Italy sometime soon.

final submission

Finally, after receiving a birthday card from my best friend from high school more than 13 years ago, daring me to write a book, I finally, yes, I repeat that, I finally approved the last detail about it so that it can now go into production.

Thirteen years, two months, and six days later, it is done. Dear God, what was the frickin' hold up? Life? Moving several times? Going for my pilot's license? Getting a divorce? Raising a teenager? Working waaaay too much? I don't know. Maybe it's always about everything being in perfect timing.

In the meantime, between the date when I first wrote the first sentence to this morning when I approved the last correction on the book jacket, I raised my daughter from teenage hood to adulthood. I designed and had built a new home. I took flying lessons. I traveled to foreign countries. I got a divorce. I moved to the mountains in Colorado. I fell in love. I moved to Texas and finally finished the book.

I did not sit on my hands while working and not working on this book. I discovered myself and rediscovered myself. I entered relationships that pulled me in directions I didn't know existed before. And I fell in love. Again and again and again. I fell in love with the mountains, and then I fell in love with McKinney, Texas and the people here. I also fell in love with my daughter all over again. And with all these experiences I fell in love with the best parts of me.

I love me. I truly, truly love me. I am capable of the grandest of lives, the utmost bliss, and the most amazing experiences. I walk through this life knowing that all is well at all times. I open my eyes to the joy, my heart to the love, and my arms to the ability to give. I am. I am. I am.

And nothing more needs to be written.

Releasing

December 2, 2009, my last change made to the book jacket. Manuscript already in print. One more look over on the jacket and off it goes. Healing Grace becomes reality. How 'bout that?

Since I was a little kid I wanted to be a writer. I was a writer. In fourth grade I wrote my first novel. The main character had all of her parts replaced with bionic ones. Interesting that it turned into a show years later, and it had nothing to do with me. Or, did it? The more I know, the more I don't know. I sit and ponder the workings of the universe, and I know for a fact that I know nothing. It's all a complete mystery to me. As a matter of fact, this morning on the way into the square, I wondered what would happen if we all collectively decided to disavow the belief in time and space. Since we were taught from the beginning that there are such things, what would happen now if we all simultaneously chose to disbelieve in them? If thought is matter, then what would happen?

I digress. I can, you know. It's my blog. It's my portion of cyberspace and I can do anything I want in here. I imagine myself, a particle of myself floating around in what could possibly look like cyberspace. The particle that is me, whatever that is. I know that me is not my body, so therefore, there is a me that is not limited by time or space. There is a me, the real me, in a formless energy that defies all laws concerning time and space. And if that's the real me, then what's the fake me doing pretending to be smaller? I sit here silently, and now not so silently, concerned about book tours, marketing strategies, talking in front of people, self-promoting, etc. Will I be able to do it? Will I go crazy from it? Will I...? What the fuck difference does it make? I am this formless, timeless, spaceless being capable of all and nothing at the same time. I can let this book go, let it out into the universe without doing a thing about it, without thinking twice about it, and it will still land perfectly where it needs to. What do I care? Hm, programming. I see how the programming catches me up every now and then, so much more than I care to admit really.

The programming, the beliefs, the societal rules, the guidelines...just trappings to keep us small. If we really knew who we are. I mean if we really knew, we wouldn't care about any of those things. We wouldn't hide ourselves behind masks or phoniness. We would display ourselves in full glory, ride that train, leap off that cliff, and savor the moments of ecstasy because it would all be ecstasy, even the sorrow, even the depths of despair. If we really knew who we are, we would be scared of nothing, judge nothing, and relish in it all.

So, with that, I release my second novel out to the universe, knowing full well that it is right where it needs to be. It's released, and so am I.

Author Pictures for Book Jacket!!

Finally the book jacket is being completed. I just need to do the author bio and book description.

Here are some of the pictures of the photo shoot with Jim Butchee, the extraordinary hair stylist also. For those of you who haven't seen my new do, this is the man responsible for it.

I love Jim. I sit in his studio chair while he works on my hair and sip wine from Lone Star Winery. Today I even picked up my first two bottles from the wine club. For those who know me, I got a bottle of the Big Red! Woo hoo!! Rubye, the bartender on Wednesday and Friday evenings turned me onto it, and I have a glass of it as often as I can. We get a free glass of wine every day and even one for a guest, so I imbibe a few times a week.

Lone Star Winery is just down W. Virginia from the RejuveNation LifeSpa about a block. It's a casual walk down there after a day in the spa. We always run into people we know and end up staying a long time eating snacks and talking. Just once though, I'd love for everyone to call out my name when I walk in. At least yell out, "Norm!"
Now back to the shoot. Jim trimmed up my hair again to get rid of what was left of the red. I've been red for so many years -- and blond and purple, but I did something so outrageously drastic. I went natural. Yep, I was a little surprised to see what colors my hair really are. I've got everything from black to silver, brown to blond. Who knew? Do you know how amazing it is to not have to deal with coloring my roots every few weeks? I have time now for other things like finishing the book jacket.
So, first was the photo shoot. I'm wearing Jim's denim shirt, my daughter's pink sweater and a friend's necklace. Jim didn't like the shirt I bought for the shoot. It was too busy, so off it went and my daughter gave me hers. When Jim pulled a denim shirt off his coat rack, I was ready for the pictures.

My jacket cover is the color of the Dalai Llama's robes, so I'm throwing in a touch of blue and pink, not to mention gray.

The picture we chose is beautiful. Jim's going to crop it so not much of the clothing shows at all. We took the pictures in an abandoned garage about a block from the spa. It was a gorgeous day with a gorgeous man and my gorgeous daughter. I couldn't have picked a better day if I had tried.
So, as soon as I get all the writing done for the jacket and send the publisher the chosen picture, then the book will be completed. It's almost done. It's almost done. It's almost done. What an amazing feat.
In the time that I've been writing it, I've moved twice, changed careers three times, got divorced, took up flying, and started a whole new life in McKinney, Texas.

Oh yeah, and I stopped dyeing my hair.

One more thing, the book's called Healing Grace, in case you didn't know, and you'll be able to purchase it from Amazon as soon as I get it done.

It's a wonderful world.

I'm on my last read through. I feel like I've been saying this for years. Every time I finish editing this manuscript I think it's done, but then it returns with a message to read through it one more time. I've been putting this last read-through off for so long it's pathetic. There's no excuse. And today I'm feeling too sluggish to physically move my entire body, so it's a great time to get this done.

I'm sitting in my daughter's RejuveNation LifeSpa on the square in McKinney, Texas with a kitten sprawled across the table with a paw resting on the keyboard. Moo the dog is curled up under my chair and "Over the Rainbow" is playing on the radio while I type this, the reggae version that's mixed with "What a Wonderful World." I can't keep my foot from tapping on the hardwood floor.

And, yes, I'm really and truly reading this manuscript for the very last time before it grows up to be a book. That's what I've been told -- if there's no further corrections. Oh, sweet Jesus, let this be the perfect version.

Anyway, while reading I ran across this paragraph that took my breath away. It's lovely when that happens to me, when something I've written sparks something within me that touches me deeply.

And, when I read something I've written and I'm moved by how it's written. The writer in me jumps for joy. It's a moment when I want to toast to myself for allowing whatever force there is to work it's magic through me.

I came across such a paragraph at the end of a chapter where Grace, the main character, is interacting with her long-time husband. I love how the words speak volumes of what is way too common in long relationships:

"She looked into Jack's eyes, at the little flecks of brown around his irises. She felt the burn of his hands on her shoulders and his breath on her cheek. There had been a time that being this close to Jack would have melted her knees. Now she felt badly, horribly guilty, that being this near to him only made her gasp, for she had never noticed before the tiny lines crisscrossing alongside his eyes or the fresh gray in his sideburns."

* * * * *

And now it's been days since I wrote the above entry, but today, 9-9-09, at 5:16 I sent my last digital proof to the publishers. In a while (I don't know when.) I'll receive the first printed version of it to read through again before it gets sent out into the world.

This has been so long in coming. So long. I would have normally spent at least a few moments beating myself up about how long I've procrastinated, how long I've spent NOT doing what I knew I needed to do to get it done. Instead, something else very magical happened. I spent the last read-through while sitting in a business in the square of downtown McKinney, Texas, which is surprisingly very much like the town described in my novel. I wrote this book long before I ever divorced, left my husband, quit working in his office, moved to the mountains in Colorado, and finally moved to this small town-like city where I work in the coolest building on the square with my daughter.

What's most astonishing about this is that I wrote the main character's story long before it became my own. The book is based in a fictional town called Langsberry, Colorado where the main events center around the square where the people work and play and some live. While re-reading the manuscript I felt as if I was reading about the town I live in now and reading about my life now, years after writing the words I had been reading. If I had finished this all those years ago, I would have never had the magical experience I had today.

So, I wonder is there really such a thing as procrastination or is it perfect timing instead? Who says the book was meant to be finished any sooner than right now? Who says there's anything wrong with allowing a manuscript to go untouched for years before completing it? Who says? Not me anymore. Now I know better. I showed up. I just showed up and the magic happened. How beautiful is that?

And today I was gifted by a lovely man with a download of a song I absolutely love, a song that I've wanted to have for many years now, but didn't even know the name of the singer. That very song happens to be the song I wrote about listening to at the beginning of this post. Now I'll be tapping my foot on the hardwood floor in RejuveNation LifeSpa on a regular basis, because now I have "Somewhere Over the Rainbow/It's a Wonderful World" on my computer because of him.

It really is a wonderful world and I feel as though I've discovered the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. Again.

Party like it's 2009!

Somewhere in cyberspace is echoes of my screaming. It's been a month since my last post. In that month, I've helped my daughter move her office into a new and wonderful space downtown McKinney. I now officiate the goings-on around the place. What a privilege for me.

And -- my computer got a virus. When I'm incapacitated like that with a sick computer, it's amazing how drastically my life is altered. Without my computer in the morning before going to the spa, I now rely on West Wing for entertainment while sipping my coffee and eating an English muffin. Who knew that that show had such great writing? Not me, until now.

I'm still not laptop working. I'm on my daughter's computer at RejuveNation LifeSpa, her new place of play (and mine, I might add). Without a working laptop, I've watched more Bravo TV than I care to admit. I've written far less than I care to think about. However, I have gotten a bit more sleep.

It's 7:38 at night. We're still at the spa. Alyssa just finished with her last patients, and she's now seeing what she can do to get my laptop resuscitated. If she's not healing humans, she's working on computers. Amazing...

I'm writing. I am writing. Even if I did nothing more than type that I'm writing, I'm still writing. It feels so good.

So...

Saturday there was a woman who went ballistic when she and another driver tapped bumpers. This occurred right in front of the RejuveNation LifeSpa. There were two officers on foot and two on horseback that chased her down to handcuff her. I got a front row seat at the spa. Cindy and I were setting up for her talk on targeting fat loss when I heard a loud thud and away went the horses and police officers right in front of our French doors. Exciting stuff in downtown McKinney. Still not sure why she went ballistic. The newspaper had no idea either. Maybe Friday when the next edition comes out we'll get a peak at the sequel.

After the talk and the wonderful lunch that Cindy Goldman prepared, I got the Gratitude Cafe ready for a jamming session with local talent. Once those mics were set up, I couldn't help myself. Well really after a few glasses of wine, I couldn't help myself. I sang my heart out, and I apologize to all that were subjected to it. I had a blast though. Thank you, thank you, thank you to all who were involved. It won't be our last time to jam. Lorenzo played his bongo drums and offered to sit in during other sessions. There was Sonya and Murphy who were just walking down the street when they heard us and of course joined our merriment. We danced, sang, and thoroughly enjoyed ourselves.

I am fifty-two years old, and I have to say, I have never enjoyed myself as much as I have since living here. Every day is such a grand adventure, just a great kick in the butt. I've made friends for life. I've partied more than in college, if that's at all possible, and I've loved greatly. Immensely. Constantly.

I am so grateful. No other words are necessary.

Ahh...

Once upon a time I was a writer, then I became a wife and mother and office manager, and chauffeur and cook and cleaning lady...

And now I'm a writer again. God, it feels good. When I'm not writing, I'm thinking about what I'm going to write about next. Every event in my life is potential postings or stories. I love it. It feeds me like nothing else. Even when I do my art, I think in terms of words -- how to display them in fibers or paint them on fabric. It's always been about the words. Always.

Last night I sang words loud and I'm sure, way off key, but it felt so good. And then after coming home, I got to use my words in a soft mushy juicy way. And that felt oh so good. To be able to have both experiences in the same night was phenomenal. It was truly a celebration of my life as it should be. I deserve to be treated like I was last night (and this morning). I deserve to be treasured and looked at and touched with such gentleness. It was an act of honoring my divinity with others and then one other.

This, my friends, is what life is all about. Singing at the top of my lungs, dancing to my heart's content, and then being ravaged in total abandon.